Fuck It

I'm not going to be the first to make amends, if we have to live not talking to each other and stuff, fine with me. Bitch I've trained for this all my life.
I'm not saying I'll be rude towards you like you are to me. You say some nonsense shit every time I'm near, you want me to blow up in your face, but I'm not going to give you the satisfaction. Go ahead say what you wanna say, I don't care.

Dick Head

Why you being a Dick head for? Stop being a dick head, you're just fucking up the situation. It's funny how you believe you know everything, the truth is you don't know shit.

You see I only told you what I wanted you to see, I lie you know. I'm good at it, especially when it comes to laying about me, my feelings, my thoughts, my understanding. So the joke is on you.

Why would I trust you? You're a guy, I don't trust the male  gender, what makes you think you were my exception? Behind a truth there was always a lie. What exactly, who knows.

Expect Me Not To

Don't expect me to treat you with respect,
Don't expect me to greet you with a smile, don't expect me to trust, or count on you.
Don't expect me to be honest, don't take my love towards you seriously,
Don't expect me to have a sorry bone for you in my body, don't expect me to believe you.
Don't expect me to love you, I have no reasons to.

I'm a joke
I'm a puzzling puzzle
I'm a tad insane
I'm not worth it, maybe not to you but it's okay,
Neither are you.

People, Family, Rudeness, Repulsive

I have to learn when to keep my lips sealed.

It's not strangers who I have to worry about, but the people close to me I have to watch my back from. They are more likely to stab me if they do well I can't just shut them out and scream," I DON't GIVE A FUCK!", cause well I have to live with them, plus family is family, and well I'm in no condition of shutting family out.

Just like I didn't choose my parents, I didn't choose my cousins.

Let me tell you though, I'm strong, I can take peoples bullshit, it may crumble me at first, but hey it's not like I haven't heard the same rudeness before. What they say, it's simply how I imagine how they feel about themselves.

Monsters

Don't touch me.
Don't make me think you care.
I'm sure there's a caring bone in your body, but I'm sure you don't care about me.
You make me feel like crap, you make me regret everything I once shared with you, you make me feel disgusted about myself, you make me remember my fears, you make me feel really small, you make feel worthless, used, unimportant, you make me wanna to regret still living, ever being born, you make me want to.disappear.

You say you care, but there lies, you us me, you step all over me, you manipulate me with your words. You tell me what I wanna hear, you make me feel like you do actually care, but you don't.  All the.damage you have done started the moment I told you about my past. I ran away to escape what I feared, what was making me feel to not live, what made me question why I should even live, but I simply fell into a deeper hole. You make me hate myself, regret ever moving. Honestly, still living in fear feels like it would of been better than living in a house where I have to lie, feel disgusted, feel like I have no respect for myself or anyone in this house. You make me ache.
You make me cry.
Whatever happened to that little boy I once knew, the boy who I though I could trust, who I liked being around, who didn't hurt me emotionally, who didn't lie??

I can't even hug you without fearing you, I can't tell you anything without thinking twice.

Everything you've done is so.wrong, but yes I have the blame too, I'll give you that. I'm not an incident victim either. I'm tried, I'm trying to do things right but how can I when, you scare me. I do what you say cause I picture him, I remember the pain he would cause if I didn't do what I was told.

Future, Present and Past

I look back and turn away,
It moves closer, but I run away.
I go, go, go.
I know, know, know that not much might change, but call me crazy but I believe this might actually work out in the end.
I know I'm just another believer, but it's all I have, it's all I know.
I don't know, what exactly to anticipate, but it has to be something better.
I hope.

I'd be lying if I told you,
I no longer cry, a tear.
I no longer fear,
I no longer scream for help.
I no longer die a bit inside,
I no longer wish I wasn't born,
I no longer fake a laugh, a smile.
I no longer wish to disappear into thin air.

I cried, I screamed, I feared, I faked, I died, but I did live.
They made me laugh,
They patched up some of the pain,
They made a difference in my life,
They learned to love me for me,
They asked for nothing in return, they who tried to understand never pushed me, never made me regret the words that might of slipped from my lips.
They've been discreet, they've been nice, they've been honest, and a true family.
They are my friends.